I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
