At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
