What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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