Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
