do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
