im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
