I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
