"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
