I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
