After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
