I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
