Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
