I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
