Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
