The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
