Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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