He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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