That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
