I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
