Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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