Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
this beer tastes like vomit already
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
