At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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