I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Randomize
