i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
