I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
