Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
