It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
