you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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