so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
