You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
