I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
