I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
