every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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