at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
