i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
