Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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