i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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