i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I look better un-naked...
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
