I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
