i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
how drunk are you?
Several
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
