First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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