i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
