It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
