Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
