I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
