We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
