Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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