Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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