Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
