is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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