I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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