All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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