This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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