guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Everything about him screamed your future.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize
